


Every Part of You

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: retrouvaille [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Insecurity, Multi, Other, kind of angst but not really??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2019-01-08 02:09:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12245034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: "I haven't been avoiding you because of anything you did!" Alex interrupted their rambling. "I've been avoiding everyone, really, but nobody has really noticed except you because you're the one I spend almost all of my time with. It's not because of you, either, it's-" his hands fumbled uselessly- "it's stupid.""I promise you it isn't. If it made you this upset, I promise it's not stupid.""Have you noticed that none of my old clothes fit me?" He whispered, and Lafayette stared at him.* can be read as a one shot!!





	Every Part of You

"I've decided," Lafayette groaned, falling on top of their conjoined beds, "that I love you more than anything else, and that every minute I spend out of our bed without you is useless."  
  
Alex chuckled, but it was only half there. The other part of him was somewhere inside of his own head, eyes staring down at his hands in his lap, palms upturned. His smile, the stunning grin Lafayette saw so often yet not often enough, fell as soon as it appeared. Lafayette turned on their stomach, falling halfway into the cracks between their conjoined twin beds in their dorm. God, Lafayette couldn't wait until they got an apartment of their own. Wait.  
  
They tapped his blanket covered leg. "Alex? Are you okay?"  
  
"Hmm?" Alex asked, snapped out of his reverie, blinking. Lafayette wanted to kiss him. "What?"  
  
"I asked you if you were okay." They sat up and sat cross legged, taking Alex's hand in theirs and kissing the back of his palm. Alex didn't blush like he usually did, stared at their hands before pulling them away. He pushed his glasses up hastily.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Tired, I guess."  
  
"Okay. Do you want me to sleep here? I can sleep on the couch if you want to be alone."  
  
Alex usually talked to Lafayette about things that bothered him, whether he stormed into their dorm yelling about how frizzy his hair was or whether it was late at night when the moon illuminated the tears in his eyes and Lafayette held him until they fell asleep together. They listened and in turn Alex was there to listen to them whenever they got insecure or felt homesick. It was the give and take of their relationship, and Lafayette loved it. Loved being able to comfort each other even if they couldn't fix it.  
  
"No," Alex whispered. "Stay with me, please."  
  
"Of course, always."  
  
They watched him as he fell asleep facing them. It wasn't entirely out of the ordinary for Alex to sleep in this position, but it was different from their usual, which was Lafayette curled around him entirely and their hands, most likely, somewhere inside is his shirt. It shouldn't be as worrying as it was, maybe Alex didn't want to be smothered that night, but red flags appeared everywhere, piling up until that was all Lafayette could see.  
  
"You're thinking too loud," Alex grumbled. "Go to sleep."  
  
Lafayette laughed and kissed his forehead, drifting off in seconds, but the thought didn't leave their head until dreams replaced it, and even then, the morning brought it back.  
  
"It's probably nothing," John told them, leafing through a book of poetry that Hercules gave him. Lafayette rolled their eyes, wondering when they would finally get it together and talk to each other, then realized they really had no room to speak. They were here talking to John instead of Alex, their boyfriend and best friend and lowkey highkey love of their life.  
  
"Yeah, maybe, but last week I left our room to go brush my teeth, and when I came back he was completely distant, like he would barely touch me, distant. Then the next morning he went to work two hours early, and when I asked about it he said he had a lot to do, but he's a dishwasher and that's like the _one_ situation where that excuse doesn't work."  
  
"Definitely not the _only_ one." John highlighted a line and wrote a comment underneath the poem. Lafayette wanted to scream.  
  
"That's not the point! Ever since that one day, he won't let me go near him, not really. We still sleep in the same bed and everything, but it's not the same. Usually, we're _glued_ together, like you couldn't separate us if you _tried_ , and now it's like he doesn't even want to be around me. Oh my god, what if he's breaking up with me?"  
  
John looked up from the book at that one, slamming it shut and sitting up next to them. Lafayette couldn't look at him, drawing their legs to their chest, kicking their shoes off so they could bury their head in their knees. Tears soaked their jeans, but they didn't care.  
  
"Hey, hey, he isn't breaking up with you! I don't know what's going on, but I know he isn't breaking up with you. He would _never_ -"  
  
"But what if he _is_ ?"  
  
"He's _not_ ! He loves you more than anything else in the entire world. I once asked him how much money it would take to get him to tell you that your hair wasn't _as_ curly as yesterday, and he didn't talk to me for three days."  
  
Lafayette sniffed and looked up at him. "That's what that was? I thought you got into a fight or something."  
  
"We did! He loves you so much, he would literally rather die than tell you your hair wasn't curly, he would probably kill someone rather than break up with you."  
  
"I guess I _know_ that, but what else am I supposed to think when all he does is avoid me? He still talks to me, I guess, but it's not _us_ , it's all small talk and me trying to get somewhere but him not answering. I want to help him, but I feel like he won't let me."  
  
"Maybe there's a reason," John said. "You should talk to him, it's the only way to fix it."  
  
"I will. Tonight." They checked their watch. "He's almost home from work, and if I leave now I could probably get food on the way home."  
  
John stood, kissing Lafayette on the forehead. "Good luck."  
  
"Thanks," they mumbled, standing with him.  
  
Lafayette stood in their living room, fingers fumbling as they waited for Alex to come home. They didn't know why they were so nervous, Alex wasn't breaking up with them, they weren't breaking up with him, he was their best friend and the love of their life and they would rather die than lose him.  
  
Alex came home eighteen minutes after his shift ended, like always, stumbling through the door with the appropriate amount of dread for someone who worked as a dishwasher at a restaurant. He was half asleep until he noticed Lafayette standing not fifteen feet away, to which he stopped and closed the door behind him, back against it.  
  
"Can we talk?" Lafayette asked. Alex's eyes widened but he nodded, going over to sit on the couch, Lafayette following. He kicked off his sneakers and took his hair out of its ponytail before sitting down, picking at his fingernails. Lafayette sat down across from him, noticed how his glasses slipped down his nose further than he let them.  
  
Alex started before Lafayette could, not meeting their eyes as he told them, "I love you, you know that right? I love you so much that sometimes I think I'm going to scream because I don't know where to _put it all_ . I know we've only been dating for a few months, and I know I've been kind of distant lately, but you didn't _do_ anything. You love me so much and I'm so grateful for you and I just, are you breaking up with me?"  
  
Lafayette choked. "What? No! I would never! I love you so much, I wouldn't even _think_ of breaking up with you. I was just so worried because you've been avoiding me, and I didn't know what was going on, I thought _you_ were breaking up with _me_ ! You don't talk to me as much, you won't let me get near you, and i thought it was because you were trying to distance yourself from me so it wouldn't hurt as much when you-"  
  
"I haven't been avoiding you because of anything you did!" Alex interrupted their rambling. "I've been avoiding everyone, really, but nobody has really noticed except you because you're the one I spend almost all of my time with. It's not because of you, either, it's-" his hands fumbled uselessly- "it's stupid."  
  
"I promise you it isn't. If it made you this upset, I promise it's not stupid."  
  
"Have you noticed that none of my old clothes fit me?" He whispered, and Lafayette stared at him.  
  
They did notice, with all the time they spent staring at Alex it would've been odd if they hadn't, but it never changed how they thought, nor should it. Lafayette was thoroughly convinced Alex could walk up to them one day in the shape of a piece of driftwood, and they would still think him the most beautiful person on earth. Alex gaining weight had nothing to do with how they felt about him, and the fact that he thought it did made four million words flow through Lafayette's head, none of which he could voice into one coherent sentence.  
  
"That's not a bad thing, though, is it?"  
  
Alex squirmed in his seat. "Not necessarily. It doesn't bother _me_ personally, it bothers me because you're all muscles and whatever the fuck you're made of, stardust probably, and I'm not, I'm not that. I don't even _want_ that. I just want you, and I'm a tiny, little bit scared of what you might say if you see me. It's why I've been stealing your sweaters more often," he mumbled, and Lafayette wanted to kick themself into the sun for how _stupid_ they were being.  
  
"Do you really think I would ever _leave_ you because you gained weight? Do you really think I would ever leave you at all?"  
  
"I got scared." Alex shrugged, and Lafayette inched closer.  
  
"You, Alexander, could be the shape of a fucking shampoo bottle, and it would not matter to me, as long as you were okay, and as long as you were _happy_ ." Their hands moved to hold Alex's face, but they stopped, not sure. Alex glanced down and did it himself, brought their hands to either side of his jaw and pressed their foreheads together.  
  
"What did I ever do to deserve you?"  
  
Lafayette kissed his forehead. "You didn't have to do a thing."  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
They didn't realize how much they missed kissing Alex, but after four days of not getting to, they felt like they were on fire, lips burning, skin aching to reach out and pull Alex but the greasy polo shirt and kiss him until the stars went out and the world stopped turning. Alex seemed to share this sentiment, weaving his arms through theirs and linking his hands behind Lafayette's neck. He collapsed back on the couch, pulling them on top of him.  
  
Alex stopped them when their fingers skirted the hem of his shirt. "Promise me you won't, like, run or something?"  
  
Lafayette stared at him, standing up and carrying Alex to their room. Alex laughed the whole time, kissing their jaw until they set him on the bed, hands going back to the hem of his shirt. He swallowed, and Lafayette kissed his forehead before taking it off of him, not surprised in the slightest to find that he was _literally_ the same, he just looked like a person now. A _healthy_ person, might Lafayette add.  
  
"You're staring," Alex muttered, wrapping his arms around himself.  
  
"You're stunning."  
  
His blush came back, the same one Lafayette missed days ago, spreading to his ears and down his neck, across his shoulders and chest. Lafayette could cry, it was like witnessing art come to life right there.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
Lafayette kissed him as they unbuttoned their own shirt, laughing as Alex tried to get them closer to him. The second their shirt was on the floor, Alex pulled them on the bed, barely waiting for Lafayette to roll to their back before he climbed on top of them.  
  
"I love you so much, oh my god," Lafayette whispered, kissing down Alex's chest. It was late now, the moon high up in the sky, but Lafayette refused to stop kissing him until he understood that they loved nothing more than they loved him, every part of him.  
  
"You've told me at least thirty times in the past hour and a half," Alex giggled, writhing as Lafayette held his sides, tickling him but not so much that he achieved total incoherence. "You don't have to say it just to say it."  
  
"I'm saying it because I _do_ love you, and I love you so much that I want to tell you every second of every day, but you have classes and a day job and I just live here."  
  
Alex snorted. "That's not fair, you go to class sometimes."  
  
They laughed and moved back up his body, kissing him before rolling next to him on their bed.   
  
"I'm sorry for not talking to you earlier about this, by the way, I guess I got scared." Alex drew shapes with his index finger on Lafayette's chest, cheek smushed against their skin. He was so cute. Lafayette was going to die right the fuck here.  
  
They kissed his temple. "I just want you to trust me, even if it'll take a while, I'd like to get there with you someday. I love you more than anything, _anything_ , and you mean the world to me. I understand why you didn't tell me, and I understand why you got scared. I love you though, until the day I die."  
  
Alex squeaked, face red, burying it in their bedsheets. "I'm gonna kick your ass."  
  
"I would love to see you try."  
  
"I might only be 5'6", but I have enough fury to take on the _entire_ world, Lafayette." His head lifted from the bed. "And because you are, in fact, my entire world, I have more than enough fury to fight you."  
  
They laughed and pulled him closer, kissing him and trying to ignore the fact that they were stuck right in the gap between their beds, as they are so often.The idea of moving in together popped into their mind again, for the simple reason of having a real bed, but it would have to be sometime later, as they had to stay on campus until they were second years.  
  
Moving in with Alex would be nice, living with him was already nice, but in a place of their own they could do whatever they wanted without the stuck up girl who lived above them coming downstairs and yelling at them for the _noise_ . Given, there might be other stuck up girls living above them, because they exist and Alex wasn't one to be quiet at any time, but at least they'd have a space to themselves where that was less likely.  
  
Alex whined, poking them in the stomach. "You're thinking too loud, go to sleep."  
  
Lafayette stared at him for a moment before smiling, kissing his head and going to bed.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao I lowkey abandoned this for a month but now I Guess I'm back?? who knows
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af


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